Hello, World

I made my mom cry tonight.

I suggested we better our eating habits by purchasing the same general snack items (oven pizzas and stuff like that), but switch to products which contain better ingredients and less added crap (nitrates, nitrites, artificial coloring, high fructose corn syrup, etc). She got legitimately upset with me because I was taking away “our thing” and “tradition.” After more debate she guilted me with the whole, “You’re leaving me for college soon and now you’re taking away the food I love” spiel. I tried to explain I wasn’t trying to take away certain foods, I was trying to replace them with just as delicious things, but make our diet healthier in the process.

Then she revealed the real reason why she was so upset was that she thought she was feeding my brother and me healthily and raised us right and now I’m telling her it’s not true which making her a failure as a mother on top of being a failure in her singing career (in her eyes a failure at everything). I expressed how untrue this was, how her home cooked meals are fairly good nutrition, and I’m just trying to improve our diet through the store bought products we purchase. I used a well-oiled machine as a cliché metaphor: the way she fed us is a well-oiled machine which functions efficiently; I’m just trying to replace some gears to slightly increase productivity. Then I remembered my mom doesn’t get metaphors. So she cried a lot. I tried to make her feel better. It didn’t work.

I love my mom. I really do. But I just don’t understand where her mind goes. I mean I see the thought process, but it amazes me how negatively she reads into every little thing.

LAST last thought tonight before I go to bed.

I showed my mom Kreayshawn’s Gucci Gucci video to see what she would say. about 7 seconds in she asked, “Is she a lesbian?”
Love you, Mom. 

My mom just hissed at me.

I went into my parents’ room to wake up my mom at 12:30 p.m. I said, “Mom, just letting you know it’s noon,” and she hissed at me in her sleep.

• Mom: What does "alec" even mean? Like a "smart alec?"
• Me: It's an oxymoron. "Alec" means fool or simpleton. So a smart fool.
• Mom: So like "jumbo shrimp" or... "military intelligence!"
• Thought that was funny enough to share haha

Late Night with Jake Irvin

So I asked my mom to let me present to her my film portfolio powerpoint which I’ve been working on for the past few hours because I need practice and an outside opinion. I didn’t realize it until when she started interrupting with questions that she was pretty drunk.
Beneath the slurs I made out the sentence, “I dunno I think it’s pretty cool…”
So I made her go to bed.
Now I feel inclined to make this powerpoint more than just “pretty cool.” Looks like there’s no sleep for Jake tonight.

My mom needs to stop drinking.

Or at least stop mixing it with her anti-depressants.

Why does my mom get so pissy as soon as my dad walks in the door?

He’s covering for someone who can’t work for a full week, so he’s working from 7 a.m. to 9 p.m. (or more depending on deals) every day until Monday. Give him a fucking break. He hates the marriage just as much as you do. Just eat your food in separate rooms like you always do, but try not screaming through the wall for once. I am so fucking sick of this.

My main motivation for getting into a good school was to get far away from this. Isn’t that fucking sad? Well now I don’t know what I’m going to do, but sure as hell I am not going to spend another year in this household. I’d rather squat for a year and figure it out than be here.

Fuck.

And this is me now

Photo taken by my mom.